DAY 72 - CLOTHING BARRIER

So I have made a very important step in breaking through another of my psychological barriers. Today in my Olympic lifting class, for the first time ever I didn't wear my Canterbury tracksuit bottoms which are about 5 sizes too big and have very much been a hiding comfort zone for me for the last 8 years now. Instead I wore the dreaded black compression leggings I've so far only worn for about 30 seconds infront of Coach OC when I'm having my weekly weigh and measure photos taken, before I quickly rush to the bathroom and change straight out of them and back in to my hiding Canterbury trousers for training.

I was quite literally shaking the entire way through my lifting class. All of a sudden I had to strip back the weights because my arms were shaking so much I felt like even the bar was a bit of a struggle, my head was going a thousand miles an hour about what I must look like / what everyone thought. Everyone in the class was absolutely fantastic and so supportive, of course there was a lot of surprise followed by extremely keen "YES RACHEL! FINALLY!" comments from Coach SG and JR and people in the lifting class were so reassuring too. There was even a shift around so I could lift at the back of the class as opposed to the front (the only spot when I arrived). Lifting at the front was a huge struggle which Coach SG could pick up on, as my head was globalising what everyone behind me must be having to look at and how huge everything must be now my trousers aren't hiding me anymore. It didn't matter to my head of course that all the other women in the class were wearing leggings, to me it felt like I was practically naked or wearing a bikini)
Of course Coach SG said once I was at the back he expected some perfect cleans ;-) But most importantly I made it through the entire class without rushing to my bag and changing back (I did bring the other trousers for that very reason) and I know it will take me a while to get used to - but it's an absolutely huge first step for me. And I made sure everyone knew how appreciative and thankful I was by posting in the P6 forum. What a successful day!