DAY 80 - PERSONAL BEST OF A LIFETIME

I've finally started to break down one of the biggest psychological barriers I've had throughout my entire life - not hiding under layers of clothing and especially for training.
Since I started seeing Coach OC back in early 2008 I have always had to train in 4-5 layers of clothing several sizes too big and often mens clothes for extra hiding security, and absolutely never with my arms on display either. I have always used clothing as a safety mechanism, it took almost 2 years of therapy treatment before I was able to make the step towards stopping hiding in my coat all the times (I would never take my coat off at all unless I was at home).

Doing the body composition course has made me very conscious that if I don't stop hiding by the end of it, I'm not actually going to be able to see any visible difference if there are any photos of me training because I'll still be buried in layers. So absolutely determined to start challenging myself on this - I started by asking the P6 community for advice, not having a clue where to start for buying clothing such as this, strappy tops and so forth. The response was so overwhelming and supportive that I was able to go shopping (another big one for me) and get a few bits to wear and then I decided to throw myself in the deep end today and see if I could wear my new training clothes to training.
I did practice by walking to the pharmacy in them first to pick up a prescription, just to see if the world ended by being seen in public in so little clothing. Of course when I went to the gym later I had all the huge baggy clothes in my bag to change in to incase I couldn't cope, but much to my amazement and despite shaking to the point of sickness the entire way through - I did it. There was so much support from everyone that I found it absolutely invaluable, really kept me going and stayed focused when I wanted to constantly run to the bathroom and change. The support from everyone also made me feel quite emotional and reminded me of the therapeutic community that I often miss in times of real difficulty, which this week has been especially, but it also made me realise I'm further along in my life journey now and am part of another very supportive and wonderful community of people at P6 instead :-) 

Back from training somewhat tired and smelly and out of focus - but also evidence of no hiding

 

All important colour co-ordinated training socks too, kitty is curious

And below is my Facebook post on the P6 forum when I asked for clothing advice, I also felt that externalising this step would help me really focus on actually taking this plan all the way to completion... rather than keep it in mind as something I want to do and then just avoid or leave it until it's too late (got to acknowledge those avoidant personality disorder traits of mine, happens all too often).

 

 

And the Facebook post on the P6 forum I posted after I got back from training, I really wanted to thank everyone for helping me achieve such an overwhelming challenge and new personal best of a lifetime and make sure people knew just how important their reassurances were to me :-)