DAY 8 - THE PIT TRAP

My start to week 2 had quite a pitfall when I took my weight first thing in the morning as Coach OC requested. (This was a challenge in itself, I've never owned my own bathroom scales out of a fear for not wanting to know 'how bad I was in numbers' if that makes sense). After the extremely intense first week and how hard I pushed myself, I was really hoping for a small sign of reassurance that all this was making some sort of difference in the right direction, that my goals were going to be possible. Unfortunately my weight had gone up 1kg which logically of course I know is very insignificant, could also be water retention, could be muscle gain, could be many things. But for my mind it was a small but very precise push towards my fears that I can't do this, that I'm failing - all those negativities that gather and speak to me in their thousands at times, and this was quite definitely one of those times. As a result, I've been struggling with my spiked emotions all day and such a relatively small thing has reminded me just how tough this is going to be for me. Coach OC has been extremely supportive as have the other members of the body composition group, already I can see the beginnings of a really supportive and close knit team which is very reassuring. However for now, today, it's a very difficult time to stay focused and believe I can do this - but the fact that I've stuck to the meal plans so far today despite the set back this morning means I haven't given up. I also can't help but feel afraid of going to body composition training this evening when my emotions and negative monologue are so much more challenging to manage today, but I know I just need to keep going and take each challenge a step at a time. To look at it in a different light... yeah okay I might wobble and leak later this evening in front of some people, but I'm sure it won't be the end of the world if I do.