DAY 57 - MEALS FAIL

MEAL 1 - Eggs x2 with coconut oil and smoked basa, tommy bobblehat

MEAL 2 - Roast chicken (75g) with coconut oil and curry powder, tommy bobblehat, sweetstem broccoli

PRE WORKOUT MEAL - Turkey and paprika sausage, tommy bobblehat, kale and garlic (no carbs again)

POST WORKOUT MEAL - Greek roast lamb (75g) in tomato, red onion, garlic, cinnamon, sweetstem broc, asparagus
(still no carbs, once again not got any sweet potato / been shopping yet)

And yes - not only no carbs in my workout meals but I missed a meal too - feel like I'm failing quite hard at this lately.

DAY 56 - TRAINING

I had one of those moments where I had to see the weights to really believe I just pressed them, pretty sure I can push the weights up a fair bit more too which is rather scary.

DAY 56 - MEALS

Bank holiday Monday is once again kicked off with a 5:30am alarm and 7am train - just won't feel the same once bodycomp finishes and there won't be the lovely and empty early starts before anyone else is allowed in the gym (personally my favourite atmosphere).

PRE WORKOUT MEAL - Turkey sausage & paprika (gf) tommy bobblehat, sweet potato with harissa, garlic, asparagus 

POST WORKOUT MEAL - Turkey sausage & paprika, tommy bobblehat, kale, sweet potato with harissa and garlic

MEAL 1 - Roast chicken (75g) with coconut oil and curry powder, tommy bobblehat, sweetstem broccoli

MEAL 2 - Roast chicken (75g) in coconut oil and curry powder, tommy bobble, kale and garlic

MEAL 3 - Lamb tikka (leftovers) cherry tom and bhindi bhaji (okra, tomato, garlic, onion, spices)



DAY 55 - END OF WEEK 7 REVIEW

I'm getting quite anxious knowing that my bodycomp is now over the half way mark, as well as knowing that those last few weeks are probably going to race by.
I'm a little concerned about my expectations for myself, as one of my goals was wanting to start seeing some abs definition for the first time in my life. This is a huge one for me, I can't ever remember looking at my stomach and feeling okay with it - there's always been those bulges that I want to shift and firm up more than anything else on my body. As OC initially explained, you can't really 'target' where the fat loss happens - it's been an all over gradual reduction so far.
But now the finishing line is starting to approach, I'm worrying more and more than I won't achieve the results I've been driving myself so hard for. The question also is, will I even be able to see and accept the results I get if they're anything less than the superhuman ripples that Coach OC achieved on his bodycomp? Even though I clearly told myself I needed to be realistic from the very beginning, and OC is in *much* better shape than me and that was on his week 1 - plus I know I can't measure myself up against that. But I'm also aware that part of my mind is still doing it anyway and I'm feeling the pressure of it more and more.

I had a chat to OC at my last weigh in and asked if I could include some more abs work in to my programme on top of the rest of it, which OC said yes that's fine so I've been doing an extra set of crunches after finishing my programme and before doing the cardio. But still there's that part of my brain saying do more... you need more abs exercises or you'll never get rid of those bulges and get the definition you want... you'll fail if you don't do more (this would be my black and white thinking as therapy calls it, it's either all one or all the other). Living up to my own expectations is proving to be so extremely difficult, although it always has been - considering I'm an absolute perfectionist in everything I do and part of the curse is nothing is ever good enough. I also struggle when I see various other 12 week Body Transformations, and see guys who have gone from 'average' to absolutely ripped, and suddenly my head thinks - jesus Rach, now *that* is results... what you're doing is a barely noticeable joke in comparison. But I know OC would say one of his thoughts of the day, I think it was 'Don't compare yourself to others. Compare yourself to who you were yesterday.' (But I'm terrible at doing this too I hasten to add). Ah yes - I knew I saved a copy of that thought somewhere, as it's such a significant one for me to remember (see below).

OC also commented during my last photo session, that I still pull the leggings up and hide my stomach quite a bit which makes it less visible for demonstrating my results. Now first let me say I absolutely *hate* leggings, any tight waistband around my stomach and especially when I train (I'll also admit this is probably because I'm too used to training in 4-5 layers of clothes over twice my size, I do like to hide...) So I bought a pair of leggings purely to have photos taken, the second they're done I change straight back in to my huge stuff and then go and train. So wearing them at all is quite a mission, and then the concept of having them not pulled up enough to 'keep all my stomach in' as it feels, well impossible to say the least would feel like a rather accurate description.
So after a shower, I had a small panic when I noticed some new lumpy sort of things appearing on my side (yes I realise this will be some muscle definition starting to appear, but I still translate to lumpy bumps and panic about 'god what is that'). I also felt the frustration strangely enough of why aren't those lumpy things more on the stomach than my side and what am I doing wrong (because my head loves to rush to assuming I'm doing something wrong). I remembered what OC said about lowering the leggings, and I wondered if maybe I've not really noticed before because they're pulled up - so I decided to challenge myself to the extreme and see if I could practice my own little terrifying photo with lower leggings like OC wants me to do. A small step towards perhaps being able to in front of an actual person as opposed to hiding in my room with the camera on a timer. I'm still not sure I'll be able to do such a thing in public (well - OC at the very least) but I think my step 2 is posting the photo here on my blog so I can see that I did actually do it. I still look at my stomach and feel disheartened that there's fat that I still haven't shifted, or not shifted enough, basically everything not enough (unsurprising for me unfortunately). But part of me also wishes I did a self-photo of stomach on the first week, just to demonstrate to myself how much difference there actually is (which is also difficult to notice when my head is in a negative place).

End of week 7

 

DAY 55 - MEALS

MEAL 1 - Turkey and paprika sausages, tommy bobblehat, kale and garlic (forgot fats again..)

MEAL 2 - Roast chicken (145g) with curry powder and coconut oil, tommy bobblehat, sweetstem broccoli

MEAL 3 - Lamb tikka with onions, bhindi bhaji, salad, tiny drizzle of rajita

 

And yes - still seem to be suffering my missing 1 meal problem. But to make up for it, here's a sunbathing kitty with a very floofy tail ;-)

 



 

 

DAY 54 - MEALS & NO PIZZA

I had friends over today for gaming. In the evening, once again I had to stick to my chicken and kale when there was the most amazing cheesy pizza on the table. I took myself away and lay in my room as I'm finding it harder and harder to not eat the foods I really *REALLY* want to eat. It must have been serious because there was even foul anchovies on the pizza and I'd still have killed to eaten just a slice with all the lovely bread and cheese flowing off it. Sometimes it's so hard to remember why I'm choosing to do this to myself... so I lay on my bed and focused on the shape I'm becoming and said to myself in a repetitive loop "look at you Rachel, this is the smallest and fittest you've ever been as an adult... look and look again, this is why you're not eating that pizza remember". It didn't convince me very much to be honest, but I took a photo of what I was looking at when repeating that in my mind, to hopefully remind myself of that willpower moment.



MEAL 1 - eggs x3 with smoked basa and coconut oil, tommy bobblehat

MEAL 2 - Turkey and paprika sausages, tommy bobblehats, kale with garlic (forgot fats)

MEAL 3 - Roast chicken with oregano and olive oil, tommy bobblehat, kale with garlic and 'happy' tommy blobs

No pizza... "look at you Rachel"

DAY 53 - TRAINING NOTES

OC took over the ticks - much to my reluctance!

DAY 53 - MEALS

Yep - I'm back to missing a meal again... it seems to be the general rule still for some reason.

MEAL 1 - eggs x2 with smoked basa and coconut oil, tommy bobblehat

MEAL 2 - Turkey and paprika sausage, tommy bobblehat, butternut squash and almond butter,
asparagus and kale with garlic, tommy blobs

PRE-WORKOUT MEAL - Slow roast greek lamb (75g) in tomato sauce, tenderstem, sweet potato in harrisa and garlic 

POST-WORKOUT MEAL - Turkey and paprika sausage, tommy bobblehat, sweet potato in harissa and garlic

DAY 52 - TRAINING NOTES

DAY 52 - MEALS & KITTY

Strangely enough, a day full of meetings and being out all day was what it took for me to successfully eat all my meals for the first time in a while - as I was forced to prep and pack them in my iso bag and mostly eat meals in meetings or whilst in my car. It also seems I'm in a particularly greek food mood lately, was a huge struggle however when eating meal 4 at the bears house and he had bought feta cheese for the greek salad, as well as mopped up his olive oil with a slice of bread. Two things I think I could have killed to eat...

 

MEAL 1 - eggs x2 with smoked basa and coconut oil, tommy bobblehat



MEAL 2 - Smoked basa (75g) with greek tomato sauce, kale and garlic
PRE & POST WORKOUT MEAL - Turkey and paprika sausages (75g), toms, sweet potato with harissa and garlic

MEAL 4 prep - Greek lamb meatballs, 25g balls (15% fat lamb mince, oregano, cinnamon and tomato puree)

MEAL 4 - Greek lamb meatballs (75g) tomato sauce (cherry toms, garlic, cinnamon, oregano, olive oil)
Greek salad (tomatoes, red onions, cucumber, oregano, olive oil)
Homemade paleo tzatziki (coconut milk, dill, cucumber, garlic, lemon)

Another brief collapse kitty took full advantage of, also introducing Elliot in the background :-)
(Elliot's brother Benjamin is hiding behind kitty on the left)

DAY 51 - MEALS & BOBBLEHAT BAKING

I don't know what on earth is wrong with me, but lately I just absolutely cannot seem to keep up with all the meals and once again I missed a meal :-( Really struggling at the moment I must admit, very hard not to trigger the "I'm failing and can't do this" extreme end of negative thoughts when I simply miss a meal / don't do it "right" if that makes sense.  

MEAL 1 - Roast chicken (145g) in curry powder and coconut oil, tommy bobblehat, asparagus and kale with garlic

MEAL 2 - eggs x3 with smoked basa and coconut oil, tommy bobblehat

BOBBLEHAT BAKING - Half leg of lamb covered in rosemary and garlic

Perfect! - Finished by dropping entire leg in a pan full of greek tomato sauce I'd made
(tomatoes, garlic, lots of cinnamon, red onions and peppers)

MEAL 4 - Slow roast greek lamb (145g) in tomato, garlic, cinnamon, red onions and peppers, kale and garlic

DAY 50 - TRAINING NOTES

DAY 50 - COLLAPSED WITH KITTY

She was looking particularly worthy of photos when I collapsed briefly in a small sunbeam and kitty immediately took full advantage.

DAY 50 - MEALS (MISSED MEAL 4)

MEAL 1 - Roast chicken (75g) with paprika and coconut oil, tommy bobblehat, avocado and tenderstem

 

MEAL 2 - Roast chicken (75g) with curry powder and coconut oil, tommy bobble, kale and garlic

MEAL 3 - Roast chicken (75g) with curry powder and coconut oil, tenderstem, kale and garlic

 

DAY 49 - WEIGH IN, BIOSIG, HEAD POP AND TRAINING NOTES

Week 7 has arrived, and I've lost another 1.5kg since last week. Coach OC went through showing me photos and unfortunately my head wouldn't let me see any difference at all. I then had a sudden wash of negative emotions when I went out to do my training, not only was the gym busy which never helps - but I became suddenly overwhelmed with a feeling of failure / not doing well enough / not changing enough physically / not training hard enough. I'm very much an obsessive perfectionist to add to all this so I feel failure twice as hard. I retreated to my car when I realised it was becoming too much, eventually Coach OC found me and helped ground me. Ultimately I was able to go back and train after a head unload and chat and OC really connecting with me. Once again I felt quite surprised just how well he was able to cope and handle me at what I consider to be my black place (which I imagine terrifies people) that I fall in to on occasion. Feel quite pleased with myself for actually getting back in and training from that state, especially when I was about to drive home and happily abandon all my things at the gym, as well as my approaching Coach OC afterwards to say thankyou properly and 'hug it out' as he put it ;-)

Bio signature comparison (weeks 1-6)

DAY 49 - MEALS FAIL ROUND 2

Another even more demanding design work packed day - once again the meals took a hit. I started at 9am and didn't stop working until I sent the final proof at 1:45am (I was only *just* able to tear myself away for training in the evening before getting home and diving straight back in).

MEAL 1 - eggs x 2 with coconut oil, tommy bobblehat



MEAL 2 - Roast chicken (75g) with coconut oil, tommy bobble, butternut squash, kale and garlic



POST WORKOUT MEAL - Turkey paprika sausage (75g, gf,) tommy bobblehat, tenderstem and asparagus tips
(no carbs again - lack of sweet potato curse has returned) 

DAY 48 - EPIC MEALS FAIL

Design - the deadline and job of epic last minute completely took over today (a sunday of all days just to add insult to injury). I only remembered two meals, to be honest I'm amazed I ate that much. Being in the creative / design zone often means all my bodily functions stop, food, bathroom, sleep. Also working until gone midnight several days in a row is starting to take it's toll on my body's new sleep pattern of 10:30...

MEAL 1 - eggs x3 with coconut oil, tommy bobblehat



MEAL 2 - Roast chicken (145g) with coconut oil and oregano, tommy bobblehat, tenderstem and asparagus